In the time of COVID and isolation, I thought it was really important to talk about how to connect with busy friends. Although I’ve already written about ways to stay connected in medical school, I thought it was important to take this topic to a more general level. One dimension of Octate Wellness is social wellness, and it’s so important we cultivate it, just like we do our mental and physical health.
The Transition from Emerging Adult, to Adult Adult makes it hard to connect with busy friends
Mood as an adult: “Hello, I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now. I’m doing busy girl s**t.” Every person in my friend group is on this grind. Whether it’s with work, school, family, kids, etc., everyone is busy. It’s so easy to take it personal that you don’t hang out as much or talk a lot. But, we’re in this point of transition out of emerging adulthood where we have to put our focus on other things. No one has time to hang out until three in the morning every weekend because we have stuff to do on Monday. No one has time to sit on the phone for hours at a time every day either.
This can be really tough, transitioning into Adult adulthood. But the good thing to remember is that everyone has to go through it. There’s a point in time where you can’t party and hang out like you did in high school and college. And this is a good thing. In fact, it’s a great thing! Getting older isn’t scary. It’s exciting because of all the new possibilities and opportunities.
So if you and your friends are hella busy and can’t find time to hang out on the reg, take a deep breath before getting upset with them. Tell Petty Petunia to have a seat. No subtweeting, no refusing to call first, nothing nasty. Just as you are busy, they are too. And it may take some work for you to establish a pattern of connecting between you two, but you’ll be so glad you did it. This world can be cruel and lonely. If you’re doing something as hard as medical school, you need all the friends you can get. So cherish your friendships, and use these steps on how to connect with busy friends.
Schedule a time to connect with busy friends
It may sound like overkill, but if you want to connect with busy friends, then you may have to schedule it. I know my planner is the boss of me and I am the boss of my planner. I make my schedule for the week on Sunday, so if you don’t make it, it may be hard to fit you in. Everyone’s not as extreme as I am, but you may be just as busy as I am. If that’s the case, then you may have to make a calendar date, and put it in your planner.
By allocating time for a phone call or a drop by, you can prioritize that time with them. You won’t be interrupted while doing something else, and then spend the whole time worried about what you should be doing. You can be fully immersed in your fellowship.
Scheduling also helps you bring your attention to that friendship. Out of sight, out of mind is a real thing. It’s almost like being in elementary school and your best friend was whoever was in your class that year. When you live in different cities or lead different lives, it can be easy to let that friendship go by the wayside. Set a reminder once a month or once a week to add a phone conversation or FaceTime with certain friends so you can remember to keep nurturing that friendship.
Schedule trips that you can look forward to
Recently, I just took a trip to Hawaii with one of my best friends. We have been friends since college, but she has a family and I moved to a different state. It became really hard to keep connecting because we were living such different lives. Literally on different schedules.
However, we started talking about doing a trip for our 25th birthday, and came up with the Hawaii trip (technically cruise, but you can read about it here!). This gave us something to talk about for months. We started planning the trip and deciding what we were going to do. Prepping for the trip and buying outfits was another thing to connect on. By scheduling trips, you are able to connect with busy friends because it puts something in the future that you can prepare for and get excited about together.
Organize monthly dinners or virtual dates to connect with busy friends
Another one of my favorite ways to connect with busy friends is to organize monthly dinners or virtual dates. I do this a lot with my med school friends, especially the ladies. I think fellowshipping with other women in a field that can be predominantly male is very important to me. Events like movie nights, wine nights, etc., to help us all spend time with other women doing the same thing. It’s also a great way to blow off steam from the hell that is medical school.
Organizing dinners or virtual dates doesn’t have to be stressful, and shouldn’t be! It should be something simple where you all meet for happy hour. Perhaps someone turns on Netflix at their house and everyone brings wine. Virtual happy hours have become all the rage since Covid started. Set up a zoom call and everyone can bring their favorite drink, and you can play games. There are so many ways to connect, and just doing something once a month can be enough. Take the initiative to set this up, and watch how people in your circle look forward to it.
Reach out more on social media
Social media is not the empty vessel for connectivity that some claim to be. It can actually be a very useful tool to connect with busy friends. Not only can you keep up with them, and the things they’re posting, but you can talk to them on social media. Most of us spend hours on social media, mindlessly scrolling. If you see something funny or cool, send it to your friends. Snapchat isn’t quite dead yet. Start a streak with them or send pictures of the things you’re doing.
Use social media in the way it was meant to be used – for social engagement. This doesn’t always mean connect with strangers. This also means keeping up with those who you don’t see everyday. Share pictures, update statuses, and comment on each other’s stuff. A hype man is undefeated, so go crazy with the fire emojis 🔥 heart eyes 😍 under your friends’ statuses. Plus, the more you engage with them, the more you will see their stuff! With everyone trying to become internet famous [myself included] don’t forget you can use social media to connect with people who you actually know. You can also use it to keep up with me by clicking on the links below!
Take a trip to visit one another
Nothing says, “I miss you” like showing up on someone’s doorstep. I actually did surprise my old roommate by popping up on her doorstep, which you can see in this video (go ahead and give me a follow while you’re there). While I wouldn’t suggest just popping up on your busy friends, traveling to go see them is a great way to connect with busy friends. Sometimes, the travel isn’t even that involved, but a 30-minute trip down the road. Schedule a time to go and see them, and watch the difference it makes.
Living in a Covid world where we have been cut off from everyone for over a year has been awful. While it’s essential that you put health and safety first, if you have made good decisions, like getting vaccinated and/or staying masked up, then it may be time to make some trips to see loved ones. Humans are social creatures, and this isolation is doing numbers on our mental health. Find a weekend or some time off to go and reconnect with those old friends, and reminisce the old times. It helps you appreciate the growth in the present while you laugh at the stories of the past.
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