Success in medical school does not happen by doing everything by yourself. One of the best ways to strengthen your support system is to learn how to build a relationship with advisors and mentors. Advisors and mentors are individuals who are able to guide you through medical school.
Most schools assign you an advisor, but cultivating that relationship can be difficult for a myriad of reasons. Mentors are normally not assigned, and there is often better alignment between mentors and mentees based on interests and personalities. Similar to advisors, initiating and building that relationship can be challenging. However, not having those relationships can make medical school even more difficult to navigate. Continue reading to learn how to build a relationship with advisors and mentors, and how they can benefit you throughout medical school.
Differences Between Advisors and Mentors
The terms faculty advisors and mentors are often used interchangeably. However, they are different. Understanding this difference is vital for learning how to build a relationship with advisors and mentors. Advisors, as I stated before, are normally assigned by your institution. These individuals are faculty or staff who have a group of students to advise. This advisor-advisee relationship usually focuses on academic achievement, research, and career-related topics. You and your advisor may not necessarily have much in common, and sometimes, the fit is a disaster overall.
Mentors, on the other hand, are normally selected by you based on your goals and needs. They are individuals who you identify that have some sort of similarity to you, such as:
- Demographics (race, gender, sexuality, age)
- Research interests
- Career path
- Lifestyle (parent, spouse, part-time, travel)
- Personality
Finding a mentor may not be as straightforward because the fit is really important. Mentors differ from advisors because they advise you on a myriad of topics. You choose them as a mentor because they have experience in something that interests you and can help lead you in the right direction. If you and your mentor don’t get along, then you will not benefit from the relationship as much.
Mentors can be assigned through mentorship programs or organizations, like Black Men in White Coat, Black Girl White Coat, and Pipeline Mentoring Institute through Student National Medical Association. Regardless, these relationships are normally based on assessments that determine best fit for the above mentioned qualities.
Benefits of Having an Advisor and Mentor
Medical school can get so busy, that trying to navigate a relationship with an advisor or a mentor can feel overwhelming. However, if you are truly able to cultivate this relationship to its maximum potential, and you have an advisor or mentor who is equally as invested, the extra time will be well worth it. Below are some benefits of having an advisor and mentor:
Advice
One benefit of having an advisor or mentor is you have someone to give you advice. Parents, friends, and even other professionals in the field may offer you advice. However, the advice that advisors and mentors offer you is normally personal, relevant, and correct. The better your advisor or mentor, the better the advice. Searching for tips on the internet or talking with other colleagues does not measure up to the quality guidance that advising and mentorship can offer you.
Empathy
Medical school is a very unique experience. This means that only those within medicine understand your accomplishments and challenges. So, regardless of how hard friends and family try to understand the things you tell them, they just won’t. Therefore, it’s vital to have someone that you can talk to who understands exactly what you’re talking about, and have most likely, gone through it. They can offer support and understanding, while explaining how they or someone they know traversed the same situation.
Encouragement and motivation
Medical school can be very frustrating and negative. There are many times when students wonder, “Why am I even doing this?” If you have questioned your purpose, you are not alone. It’s important to support or help before the burnout, doubt, negative feelings, etc. lead to severe consequences such as quitting medical school, mental health exacerbations, or contemplating self-harm. You can share your sentiments with your advisor and mentor so they can give you encouragement and motivation.
I saw a TikTok of a girl who was paired with Cari Champion as her mentor, and after she expressed feeling lackluster in her career goals, Cari flew her to Los Angeles and gave her a weekend of luxury to motivate her to continue chasing her dreams.
Now, this will, unfortunately, not be the norm for most individuals, but this example highlights how mentors can interfere when negativity starts to grow and help get you back on track. They all have their own methods for how to do this, and by talking openly with them, they can provide you with their best approaches for motivating you to push through adversity.
Networking
Advisors and mentors have large networks of friends, colleagues, and their own advisors and mentors. Once you learn how to build a relation with advisors and mentors, you also will have access to that large network. Networking can be really challengings as a medical student. You may not know where to go, how to broach conversations, and what to do if the interaction falters. However, you advisors and mentors can connect you with individuals whom they deem to be a great fit for you, negating the awkwardness of introductions.
Ideas or innovation
Advisors and mentors offer another benefit: their minds. When working through research, projects, etc., advisors and mentors can provide you with ideas or insight to better your work. I have had many research projects that were amplified after receiving feedback from advisors and mentors. They offer perspective that you may not have or ways to make your work more meaningful/relevant. Especially as medical students, advisors and mentors have more clinical and practical experience that they can use when assisting you in developing your work.
Barriers to Building a Relationship
The above benefits is a limited list of all the ways that advisors and mentors can help their advisees and mentees. You will only receive these benefits if you take the steps to build a relationship with advisors and mentors. The problem is, this task is very challenging for many reasons:
Time and Workload
Two of the most common barriers inhibiting the ability to build a relationships with advisors and mentors is time, or a lack thereof, and workload. Advisors and mentors are busy. They are physicians, scientists, administrators, etc., with full lives outside of their career. This can make finding time for you very challenging. You also have limited time as a medical student between studying, research, extracurricular activities, self-care, and your own life. Between the two schedules, finding an hour a week, a month, a semester, can be very difficult. If you have both advisors and mentors, this means more time to try and meet, which you may have a hard time trying to find.
Location
Finding mentors and advisors at other institutions is great. However, this can make frequent meetings or casual run-ins more difficult. Virtual meetings are more commonplace since COVID, but they don’t have the benefits of in-person meetings. If you and your advisor or mentor are in different locations or institutions, then it can really impact the ability to build a great relationship with them.
Poor fit
Sometimes, advisors and mentors are not good fits. That’s just the nature of putting two people together. Personalities may not vibe, schedules may conflict too much, or differences may emerge in your goals versus what your advisor or mentor can offer you. Regardless, there are situations where you and your advisor just don’t mesh. If one does not take the step to dissolve the relationship, then it could hang in the balance without much benefit to either party.
Lack of direction
Another factor that makes it challenging to build a good relationship with advisors and mentors is a lack of direction of the relationship. If you are unsure what you want out of the relationship and they are not sure how to guide it, then it may flail. Although many good relationships can be unstructured, sometimes an unstructured advisor or mentor relationship can stall.
Most advisors are assigned as part of their educational duties, but they may not know how to cultivate that relationship. Mentorship relationships can experience the same pitfalls as some mentors and mentees just come together without the mentor formally knowing how to maintain the relationship.
Tips for Building a Relationship with Advisors and Mentors
These benefits are great but the barriers to learning how to build relationships with can be difficult. Even finding a mentor can be a challenge, one that I still struggle with to this day. Below are some tips for initiating and learning how to build a strong relationship with your advisor and mentor.
1. Find mentors who are the best fit
Advisors are normally assigned, and although mentors can sometimes be assigned as well, you normally have more say so in who your mentor is. This allows you to really take your time figuring out who would be a good fit. The only way to do this is to talk to people. Attend conferences, gatherings, or meetings of those who are in the field in which you are interested. Look on websites and social media pages to see who has research that is similar to you or lives a lifestyle that you want to learn more about.
Talk with them and get their contact information. Maintain the connection, and after a few conversations, ask if they would be willing to be your mentor. Be prepared for the possibility of them saying no; it’s not something to take personal. You can still maintain a relationship with them, but you just won’t have the expectations of a mentorship. Keep shopping until you find the one that works for you and will provide you with the best guidance.
2. Identify the best way to use the relationship for you
Learning how to build a relationship with advisors and mentors requires you to know what you want out of the relationship. Mentorship and advising is about you and what you need. Do you want them to provide you with career advice? Do you need someone to talk without life situations outside of medical school? Are you interested in seeing the day-to -day of someone who works in a career that you are considering? You can have more than one mentor and advisor. Each relationship can serve a different aspect of your life. However you want those relationships to develop is up to you. Just feel the vibe of the person and box them into a category so you know for which purposes they serve you.
3. Make the relationship a priority in your schedule
Timing and workload are the biggest barriers to building an advisor or mentor relationship. In order to overcome this, it’s imperative that you make the relationship a priority. Mentors and advisors are busy, as are you, but you are the one who needs the relationship. Therefore, the responsibility falls on you, primarily, to make sure the relationship continues.
Put a reminder in your calendar for whatever your desired meeting frequency is – monthly, biweekly, weekly, etc. – to reach out so you can schedule a meeting. Continue following regularly until you have something scheduled. It may even help you to have a standing meeting to which you both agree to make scheduling even easier. Good mentors and advisors will reach out, but if you want to build a relationship with advisors and mentors, then you have to take ownership of meeting with them.
4. Set expectations for the relationship
Disappointment and frustration are killers when trying to build a relationship with advisors and mentors. Many times, these sentiments stem from a lack of communication and unmet/unsaid expectations. This relationship needs to work for you, so you need to have an idea of what you want and communicate those needs.
This is even more important when trying to build a relationship with a mentor, specifically. In the initial approach about mentorship, include how you would like to utilize them and what you would hope to gain from mentorship with them. This sets the stage for your relationship so they know how to best meet your needs.
5. Have an idea of topics for the meetings
Unguided relationships can be fun and spontaneous, but unless you have a very natural relationship with your advisor or mentor, your meetings may not amount to much. Laying out a plan of what you would like to talk about may help the meeting be more productive. The entire structure of the meeting doesn’t have to be outlined to a tee, but having a general idea may be useful. Some topics you could bring up for advisors are:
- Career goals
- Shadowing/preceptorship
- Research ideas
- Workload/time management
- Interviewing
- Work experience
Mentor relationships can be less formal than advisor relationship and include some of the following topics:
- Balancing family and career
- Family planning
- Academic or personal struggles
- Career plans/salary/financial planning
- Lifestyle
These lists are not all-inclusive, but give you an idea of some topics to bring up with your mentor. Think about areas in which you really need guidance before attending your meeting. If you give your advisor or mentor a heads up about these topics, they may have time to plan accordingly and provide you with resources.
6. Reflect on and reevaluate your relationships
Advisor and mentor relationships are like any other relationship. They may undergo stress or strain, and may even fall apart. Or, they could be really positive relationships with room to grow. When trying to build a relationship with advisors and mentors, it’s important you take time to routinely reflect on and reevaluate these relationships. Determine if they are going well or not. If so, how can they improve? If not, what are the pitfalls, and can you overcome them? How? These are all questions that you should be thinking about, or taking time to jot down, to ensure that these relationships are still good fits for you.
If you determine that a relationship no longer works for you, try speaking with your advisor or mentor, first, about your concerns. They may not realize you are having those feelings and can make some adjustments. If things improve, then that’s great. But, there’s a chance that they may not, and that person either can only partially benefit you or not benefit you whatsoever.
Some relationships just don’t work out, and that’s okay. You can take that time to find another advisor or mentor that works. Maybe that individual doesn’t have the experience you’re looking for in some domains, but they still benefit you to some degree. Just add to your network of mentors and find one that is a good fit for other needs. You can have as many as you would like. Just keep in mind these aforementioned tips so you can have maximum benefit.
Key Takeaways
In order to succeed in medical school, you need a strong support system. Part of building this support system is learning how to build a strong relationship with your advisors and mentors. There are many benefits to having advisors and mentors, but many barriers to building and maintaining good relationships. There is some planning involved, but intentionality can really make for a great relationship that can benefit you for many years to come.
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