The biggest lesson I learned when trying to apply to medical school was how to build resiliency. Honestly, a major barrier to most people accomplishing their goals is they don’t know how to build resiliency. For most of them, they aren’t even sure what resiliency is. They may have heard some general “Keep your head up”, but that’s as deep as it went.
As it turns out, resiliency is more multi-dimensional than the standard “pick me up” speeches. It’s a requirement for anyone who wants to be successful, or really, just survive life. Life sucks. Life is a b***h some times. The only guarantees in life are hard times and death.
That was like the most cynical line ever, but I promise I’m one of the most optimistic people I know. I have strong faith and believe in miracles. But I also know that I encounter many struggles before I can claim victory. I think this is a lot of peoples’ experience, but some are able to make it to the finish line, while others get knocked down and stay down.
That’s not what helps us as a community or what helps you as an individual. Whether you’re trying to make it in medicine or some other dream job, quitting along the way won’t get you to where you want to be. This is why I wanted to write this post. By the end, I hope you have a better understanding of what is and how to build resiliency so you don’t get knocked down and stay ever again.
What is resiliency?
Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from adversity. Big Sean has a song called “Bounce Back” and the lyrics are “Last night I took an L, but tonight I bounce back.” I remember one of my classmates saying this to a bunch of freshman we were talking to during orientation. We were orientation leaders speaking to incoming college freshman about how to build resiliency as they embarked upon this new and challenging journey.
I cracked up when she first said it, but that was the best way to define what resiliency is. Resiliency is standing back up when life knocks you down, or you take an L. A L[oss] can be something very small from a terrible morning, to something huge like a lost job, illness, familial death, etc.
My L was not getting into medical school the first time that I applied. Then my next L was getting into medical school and failing my first exam. I have more L’s than W’s, but the W’s are so impactful, that they outshine all the L’s that led up to it.
Let’s talk about it:
What are your L’s and how did you bounce back from them? I would love to hear your comeback stories in the comments. They can literally be “I spilled my coffee on my shirt and got stuck in traffic, but I rocked my presentation later that afternoon.” I love those stories because someone else’s story might be “I spilled my coffee on my shirt, and got stuck in traffic, so I just went back home and called in sick.”
The difference between those two stories is the reaction, and that’s where resiliency is so important. If you don’t learn how to build resiliency, then you may find yourself quitting more and more, then looking back wondering why you aren’t where you want to be. It takes some brutal honesty with yourself to admit that you’re person number 2, but you don’t have to stay them. Here are some tips on how to build resiliency and learn to get back up when life knocks you down:
1. Have a growth mindset
A growth mindset is probably the most important aspect of resiliency. There are two types of mindsets, static, and growth.
Fixed Mindset
A fixed mindset is one where it’s at a standstill. Think of those ponds with still water that eventually turn green and mossy. There’s no movement or fluidity. Everything is just stuck. Fixed mindsets are very similar. There is no room for flexibility or adjustments. Their mind is set on one thing happening, and if that doesn’t happen, then cancel everything. If something is challenging, then don’t do it. If something is new or unknown, then avoid it. Fixed mindsets are what we would call “stuck in their ways” or “closed minded”.
Being comfortable with something and not liking change is one thing, but being so resistent to it that it limits you is a disservice.
Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is quite the opposite. Growth mindsets embrace new opportunities and challenges. They view them as opportunities to learn something new, regardless if the outcome may be bad or good. They know that at the end of the day, they will at least come out of the experience with new knowledge.
Individuals with a growth mindset accept criticism because they know feedback is crucial for development. Mental flexibility is so critical for overcoming adversity. When we look at challenges as opportunities and we are continuously looking for ways to grow, we always know that we are leaving each situation with at least one thing: knowledge.
2. Build resiliency by building mental toughness
Being mentally tough and building resiliency go hand in hand. Mentally tough means that you have the strength of mind to deal with whatever life throws at you. Mental toughness is a conscious effort to take every challenge head on and figure out a way to keep pushing. If you have the mental toughness to deal with adversity, then you also will have the mental toughness to build resiliency.
You won’t look at knock downs as the end all be all. Instead you will view them in a more optimistic manner and learn how to bounce back. Without mental toughness, you may find yourself easily beaten down and discouraged when life doesn’t go as planned. If you are not a mentally tough person, then you may have trouble dealing with adversity. When times get tough, you have trouble continuing on towards your goals.
If you find yourself being this person, you can develop mental toughness through very conscious and intentional practices:
- After adversity hits, write out a plan for how you are going to overcome it.
- Take the steps that you have written down and complete them one by one until you are back on track.
- Consistently write out your end goal and refer back to that whenever you want to quit.
- Tell people about your goals and have an accountability person so quitting requires you to fess up to another person.
- Provide yourself external rewards for completion of tasks, even when they’re hard, until you become internally motivated.
Start with these tips and watch yourself better be able to deal with hard times so you can learn to bounce back.
3. Have hope and optimism
Hope and optimism are great friends to help build resiliency. Without hope and optimism, you may run out of reasons to push forward once things take a turn for the worst. You may even begin to believe things like “I’m not meant to do this because it didn’t work out” or “Things always go like this for me.”
That pessimistic thinking just encourages quitting. When you see no light at the end of the tunnel or don’t believe that you can achieve your goal, it’s easier to get knocked down. However, when you have hope that no matter what, things will work out, it’s so much easier to build resiliency. You know that your efforts aren’t wasted, and eventually, the trials and tribulations will pay off.
4. Build resiliency through imagery
Imagery is another powerful tool when attempting to build resiliency. Imagery ties into hope and optimism because you have to see yourself where you want to be. Imagine yourself achieving your goals, especially in times of crisis. When you mentally see yourself at the finish line, adversities will be meaningless.
Imagery doesn’t just have to be a mental exercise either. You can try physically manifesting your future vision. For example, when life gets hard, I like to write out Dr. Darian R. Dozier, D.O. on paper. Writing my future signature helps motivate me that that’s where I want to be. I also love to hope on Zillow and future house shop, or imagine myself in certain cars that drive by. I simply picture happiness and comfort in my future and know that hard work now will get me where I want to be.
Try mentally picturing where you want to be and keep building that image. Refer back to it every time life tries to knock you down. If mental imagery doesn’t help you, then you can try other forms of imagery to motivate you to get back up when you just want to stop.
5. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is another mental exercise to help build resiliency. Mindfulness is a strengthening exercise for your mind. It’s sort of like meditation, but you practice staying focused on the present. You don’t let your mind wander to the past or the future because those don’t matter. It takes a lot of concentrated effort to not let your mind drift. But the power of being able to stay focused on the present can offer a lot of benefits.
Mindfulness is a mental exercise that makes your brain stronger. The more you practice it, the better at it you become. When you can train your mind to focus on the present, you can mentally power through tough times. You learn how to focus on the task at hand and complete it, without being worried about the past or the future. Even if the present is difficult, staying focused on getting through it, no matter what, can help you build resiliency.
Start practicing mindfulness with small time frames. Take 2 minutes and train your mind to focus on the present. If it wanders, gently bring it back to the present. You can practice with one of my five-minute meditations here.
If mindfulness meditation is too hard, try mindful eating or exercising. Really focus on what you’re doing at the moment. If you’re eating, focus on the food and the texture. While exercising, don’t think about how much it hurts, but on your breathing and your form. These intentional acts will eventually pour into other aspects of your life.
6. Build resiliency through faith
Faith is moving through life, not by sight, but with belief. Sight is narrow and often misleading. When we let our experiences guide us, without faith in the not yet seen, then we can be discouraged by any adversity. We don’t know if our efforts will pay off or not, but that’s the risk that we take.
Faith is the believe that everything will work out. When you have that faith, then you learn how to build resiliency because you know that the tables will turn in your favor. Even if you have to ride out a rough wave for a minute, you know that at the end of it all, not only will you get what you wanted, but you also will learn so much.
7. Increase your confidence
Increasing your confidence is a huge way to build resiliency because you know that you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to and capabale of accomplishing exactly what you sought out to do. When you lack confidence in you and your ability to succeed, you may let adversity stop you in your tracks.
However, when you know that you absolutely can succeed because you are confident in you and your dreams, then adversities are nothing. They can’t shake your belief in what you’re doing because that confidence piece comes in so strong. Check out “The Four C’s of Mental Toughness” to help grow your confidence from the inside out. Once you’ve established some great confidence, you’ll find yourself better able to stand up to controversy and setbacks.
8. Know your why
This is the most important part to building resiliency. I actually saw a video that I watched several times when I needed some serious motivation. School was whooping my a** and this video really geared me up.
At the end of the video, he says,
“If you don’t know your ‘why’ then life is gon knock you out everyday of your life.”
And that was really impactful to me because it’s true. If you don’t have a reason for doing something, and that reason isn’t greater than the knock downs, then the knock downs will always win.
For example, I want to be a doctor, and the life that I want to live and the people that I want to help are my why. These long term goals help drive me past short term pain. I also think about my struggles to lose weight. My dislike for the way I look and feel in my own body is greater than my dislike for working out and eating healthy. Having a goal in mind of what I want to look and feel like and how I want my clothes to fit are my motivating factors.
When you sit down to accomplish a goal, think about your why. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” Write it down and post it somewhere visible. This way, everytime you get knocked down, you can look at that “why” and lean on it for encouragement. This is how you build resiliency, by focusing on the end goal so you can bounce back from anything that tries to take you out before you arrive.
Whatever your goals are, you can do it. If you’ve been knocked down before, I want to hear your stories. Type them below and let’s start a conversation on how to bounce back from L’s. Maybe your story is just the one that someone needs to hear for their own journey.
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